Stepping Out Into The World

Taking pictures can be nerve-wrecking.

For me, it's a step out of my comfort zone. Behind the square box with a lense, I am forced to engage with people to capture that split-second moment. I am vulnerable to criticism and mocking that lays behind each and everyone's mind that I engage with, as much as they are exposed to the harsh reality my lense might lay bare to my films.

People you normally ignore on the streets are now subjects, and the security of ignorance I always took for granted must now be sacrificed for the sake of art. Face to face. Or should I say lense to face.

I would say, the hardest part when I am scared to snap someone's potrait, is to pretend doing something and suddenly snap the trigger. But most people have no clue what I am doing while looking suspiciously.

Then, there's the anxiety of technicality. From what lense to what filter, what film to what exposure, and what angle and what subject to choose from. It can be overwhelming.

Alas, there's the usual cup of Irish Creme Latte to place an order to this wacky chaos.

I hope I didn't scare you off from taking the camera and step out into the world. This is just the anxiety of a newbie, in my steps of getting familiar to this new world.

In the end, the results you get from the photolab makes everything worthwhile. Not to forget the jumping feeling I get in the tummy the night before sending a film to be developed. Like a kid on Christmas Eve.


UPDATE:
After calming down with an irish latte and pondering through images on Flickr, I gathered my thoughts on my distressed experience today.

What I was trying to do was rushing everything into a thight box. And that action itself is impeding creativity.

In my attempt to experiment, I did everything to disable myself from doing so. I tried to cram all possible combination of technique into one film, and having a great difficulty at choosing what is for when. Films are cheap, but developing them aren't.

What I should be doing is wake up in the morning, look at the sun, choose a film, load it. Pick a filter (or a lense, or go Holga nude), step out and stick with it. And never forget to bring a darkroom changing bag so I can keep on snapping roll after roll.

Yup, that's the way it should be. That's how I can squeeze more fun from this crappy camera.

p/s: I took a picture of a lady sitting with her laptop, and actually asked for her permission. I think she was flattered and a bit shy, but sporting enough to let me. Wonder how the picture would turn out.